Women,
if you’ve prayed for years for your
man to come to church but he just won’t,
it’s not your fault. To illustrate,
let me tell you a story.
My wife Gina loves plants. One day I wanted
to surprise her, so I bought her a small Azalea
bush and some ivy at Wal-Mart. I also picked
up a bag of potting soil and a decorative
planter. I installed both plants in their
new home and presented them to my wife.
She was impressed – for about 2 weeks. Then the Azalea started looking rather sickly. Its blossoms fell off and its little leaves turned brown. But the ivy was thriving.
I called a friend who’s a master gardener.
As I told him what I’d done, he began to chuckle.
“Azaleas need acid in the soil,” he
said. “Regular potting soil is perfect for
ivy, but an azalea will starve to death.”
In
the same way, our churches provide the ideal growing
conditions for women – but men are starving
to death. What do I mean? Church offers the things
women crave: safety, relationships, nurturing, and
close-knit community. The rules are: be nice. Be
sensitive. Be gentle. We promise a personal relationship
with a man who loves you unconditionally.
On
the other hand, men need adventure, challenge and
risk – but these things are discouraged in
church. Change moves at a glacial pace – because
it has the potential to hurt people’s feelings.
Any man who tries to bring risk into his local congregation
will quickly find himself in the gun sights of a
longtime member.
Volunteer
opportunities in the local church revolve around
traditionally feminine roles: childcare, teaching,
music, hospitality and cooking. Men who want to
serve in church often end up passing out bulletins
or attending meetings. Where is the adventure
in that?
Men are dying for a leader,
but we’ve turned Christ into a lover. Today’s
Jesus is sensitive, caring and beautiful. Our
praise music has the same breathless feel and
romantic lyrics as top-40 love songs. Jesus barked,
“Follow Me!” but we’ve softened
that; it’s now, “Have a personal relationship
with Me.”
You may think that the
church is too male-dominated, harsh and legalistic.
Some churches are this way – but far more
common are comforting churches where the real
agenda is making everyone feel loved, accepted,
and busy. While there’s nothing wrong with
this lineup, it’s not going to get many
men out of bed on a Sunday morning.
Men are absenting themselves from church because they cannot function in a feminine environment. We might as well invite men to a baby shower. Men know that church is not for them; that’s why it’s earned a reputation as a place for little old ladies of both genders.
Women, the modern church system is not designed with him in mind. Your church is designed to keep you happy and volunteering. That’s why you love church and he hates it. No amount of praying, prodding or preaching is going to get your man interested in church, because it’s not meant to interest him. It’s meant to interest you.
Women,
here’s my challenge to you:
• Are you willing to allow changes that make
the church more man friendly, even if those changes
may upset people? Even if these changes make you
a bit uncomfortable? Will you support your pastor
when the heat is on?
• Will you consider men’s needs and
expectations when planning church events?
• Will you introduce boys to a wild and manly
Jesus (instead of gentle Jesus, meek and mild)?
• Will you allow your church to offer man-only
opportunities (without feeling discriminated against)?
• In your own life, are you willing to shift
your focus from learning about God to having adventures
with God?
If
you answered “yes” to any of these questions,
you are on the path to making your church (and your
walk with God) more appealing to the men in your
life. As a next step, I encourage you to visit our
women’s
forum, where you can connect with other women
who are praying for the men in their lives.
And remember, stop
feeling guilty! If he hasn’t followed you
into the pew, it’s not your fault.
