Here’s a common excuse you’ll hear from men who avoid church: There’s too many hypocrites there. Men expect perfection from the church, and feel entitled to point out its shortcomings. Why is hypocrisy such a problem for men but not for women?

Perhaps the answer lies on the cover of Family Circle magazine. At least four times a year this women’s publication features a cover laden with cupcakes, cookies and chocolates. Sandwiched between these 800-calorie delicacies is a headline that says: “Drop 5 Pounds in 5 Days.”

Ladies, that’s hypocrisy. There is an obvious contradiction between the headline and the photo. But women don’t see hypocrisy, they see hope! So they keep buying Family Circle every month.

Women seem better able to handle the contradictions of life than men. They are generally less judgmental. When a church fails to measure up to a man’s perfectionist expectations, he’s quick to cry, “Hypocrisy!” And the church gives men plenty of reasons to do so. Morally bankrupt televangelists, fake healings, and pastors living high from the offering plate (while rare) have given men an excuse to paint all Christians as hypocrites.

Realistically, there is little a single congregation can do about these scandals. And there will always be hypocrites in any congregation. However, here are three ways pastors and individuals can come across as more genuine to their men:

Pastors, avoid preacher-speak. Certain Christian traditions encourage preachers to talk different when they’re in the pulpit.  This is called ministerial tone and most seminaries discourage it, but some Christians insist on it. It’s fine for a preacher to teach in normal tones, but moment he enters the pulpit he’s expected to change his speaking cadence and accent. For example southern preachers are renowned for calling on the name of JAY-sus, or ending sentences with AMEN? Other pastors do a lot of whoopin’ and hollerin’, or adopt a sing-song tone in the pulpit. Mainline pastors sometimes adopt a highbrow ministerial tone, draaaaagging out their vooooowels, speaking slooowly and distinctly. The minute the sermon is over, the pastor speaks normally again.

The problem with preacher-speak is that unchurched men see it as performance, not as heartfelt communication. Your message may be obscured because the listener is paying attention to the way you speak and not the words you’re speaking. So make your preaching delivery as conversational as possible. Passion in the pulpit is great, but avoid anything that looks like it’s staged or performed. Men are looking for a pastor who’s real, and if your message feels like a show they’re more likely to find you hypocritical.

Christians, avoid prayer-speak. Have you ever noticed how Christians speak conversationally to each other, but they speak strangely to God? For example, some faith groups expect people to pray in King James English. “We beseech the O Lord, that thou wouldst shew thyself amongst us this day.” Others repeat God’s name over and over in prayer. “Lord, we thank you Lord for this day Lord, and Lord, we ask you Lord to bless us Lord.” Can you imagine calling your friend on the phone and saying, “Judy, how are you Judy? Judy, would you like to go to lunch Judy? Ok Judy, see you at noon Judy.” Judy would think you were nuts.

Like Preacher-speak, prayer-speak also comes across as a performance. Instead of genuine communication with God, men may see it as spiritual grandstanding, designed to make the pray-er seem holy. Plus it shuts men out of prayer. Guys won’t pray aloud if they must use the language of Shakespeare, or repeat “father God” over and over. The irony here is that Jesus always preferred simple, humble prayers, delivered in the vernacular. Men will talk to God if they’re allowed to speak normally.

Believers, avoid “Christianese” the language spoken by church insiders. Terms like “Spirit filled” “Washed in the blood” and “Sanctified” confuse and frustrate outsiders. The less “churchy” your speech the more men will understand and participate in church discussions. Men want what’s real, not what’s religious.

One more note on hypocrisy: some men avoid church because they don’t want to be hypocrites themselves. They know the sin in their lives and they would feel two-faced showing up on Sunday morning. Nancy Kennedy tells the story of Mary Ann, whose husband “didn’t want to ‘do church’ and only be a halfhearted Christian. He knew he needed it to be total or not at all. The thought of doing less than 100 percent repulsed him. It’s not that he didn’t want to be around “hypocrites” – he didn’t want to be one himself.”

The key to reaching this kind of man is to help him understand that every Christian is a hypocrite, in need of God’s grace, love and forgiveness. When men say to me, “The church is full of hypocrites,” I always answer, “Well, there’s room for one more.”