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01 August 2007

www.churchformen.com

Say what? Men talk as much as women?

A recently released study seems to have blown a hole in one of the central premises of my book: that women are more verbal than men, which makes gals more comfortable in our wordy churches.

The study, published in Science found that men and women spoke virtually the same number of words during the course of a typical day. Researchers studied college students by placing an electronic recorder in their pockets. The device took a 30-second sample of conversation every 12.5 minutes.

At the end of the day researchers added up the words spoken, multiplied by 25 and had their answer: women outtalked men, but only by a little bit: 16,215 words per day vs. 15,669. The study also found women tended to talk about people and relationships, while men discussed concrete objects.

So this the final word on the subject? I suspect not, for several reasons.

First, the researchers studied college students. The men who choose to go to college are, by definition, the verbally limber. They must be proficient in reading, studying, and receiving input from a lecture – or they quickly wash out of the university.

Second, the study ignores women’s appetite for conversation. Last week my wife logged two 90-minute phone chats with friends, focusing on a wide range of topics. My phone calls with buddies typically last no more than 5 minutes, and focus on a single topic. Once the business at hand is done, we say goodbye. Teen girls will stay on the phone for hours. So will a teen girl and boy. But two teen boys get on the line, say what needs to be said and get off.

Maybe the oft-quoted statistic that women speak 20,000 words in a day vs. men’s 7,000 is an exaggeration. But the fact remains: women are – generally speaking – more comfortable in a wordy environment than men, even though men’s raw verbal capacity may be higher than once believed.

Now, on to church. How much of church is spent either talking or listening to someone talk? How much of that talking centers on relationships? By contrast, how much time do we spend accomplishing goals or working with concrete objects?

Jesus spoke of the Kingdom of God, but we’ve softened that: it’s now a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Even though this phrase never appears in scripture, it’s the number one way we present the gospel today. Why? It’s a better fit for the feminine heart.

Men are failing to engage in church life because their brains are not suited to its highly verbal style. And our conversation and vocabulary center on relationships. When the church returns to the visual, hands-on teaching style favored by Jesus, men will understand and respond. A renewed emphasis on mission, concrete objects and an accompanying de-emphasis on relationships will help men engage as well.

Men takes message to black churches

Bryant Wilder is a self-described church "lifer." He's a musician and worship leader. Bryant writes:

"Why Men Hate Going to Church was recommended to me in October of 2006, after complaining to a follower that I was growing weary of church. My eyes were pried completely open when I began reading your book. My Christian walk was immediately rejuvenated because now I understand what has been bothering me for years."

Bryant is now taking the message of Church for Men to African-American congregations. He's created a culturally relevant presentation, complete with custom made videos produced on the streets of New York. At a recent workshop, eleven unchurched men gave their lives to Christ. As word spreads, he's being invited to speak in more venues across the U.S.

You may not realize it, but over 90 percent of black churches in the U.S. suffer a gender gap, the highest percentage of any faith group. It's not uncommon to find five, six or seven women for every man in an African-American congregation. Meanwhile, Islam continues to be the fastest-growing faith among black men in America.

To contact Bryant Wilder, click here.

A manlier alternative to Alpha?

One of the most effective evangelistic outreaches in recent years has been the Alpha course. I praise Alpha in my book and on my Web site for its question-and-answer format. But I must admit I've never been through an Alpha course myself. And now I'm hearing from some brothers that Alpha can be rather girly. "Too touchy-feely" writes one bloke from the UK.

Now there's a manlier alternative: Christianity Explored. Authored by Rico Tice, a rugby player, Christianity Explored is said to be less wordy and more visual. The web site promises seekers they'll never be asked to pray, sing or read aloud, for example.

To explore Christianity Explored, click here.

Church for Men featured on NBC Nightly News

Church for Men received more national media attention with a story on the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. The story featured an interview with David Murrow, footage of the Church for Men in Florida and video of a Baptist men's chainsaw ministry cleaning up flood-damaged central Texas.

To see the story, click here. Scroll down to the lower right column NBC NEWS SPECIAL SERIES. The story is titled A NEW EFFORT TO GET MEN TO CHURCH.

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